RACQUETOLOGY

WEEK 2

Whit Altizer--Black Mountain, NC
A man for all seasons has a undefeated record on grass, able to hit the drop shot in a forward roll and a backhand in a dive from a dead sprint. Unfortunately Altizer has been terrible on the hard courts of Europe going 2-14 in the last year. Unable to connect with the crowds of Eastern Europe has left Altizer a misunderstood star with a quick temper. Will this be his first championship on the hard courts or will his no holds bar style of tennis leave his body broken and his dreams shattered.

Jeff Friedman--Sunnyvale, CA
Friedman moved east after conquering the the Southern California circuit. He prefers the soft touch of beech in his racquet and therefore is a finesse player. Friedman has been unable to capture the power game and can be manhandled under the right circumstances. His first serve has been compared to that of Billie Jean King.

Tara Lonnberg--Stockholm, Sweden
Lonnberg has a game as sweet as Lutefisk and Ostkaka. Usually paired with her older brother Carl, the two have dominated the doubles circuit. In her first foray in the singles world Lonnberg dislocated her opponent trachea with a half volley to the throat. She then proceeded to complain that her opponent's breathing was distracting. Lonnberg is on a 3 game winning streak.

Aaron Lawlor--Kilkarney, Ireland
You may not be real familiar with the Lawlor name, but you will be after this tournament. For the past 6 months Aaron Lawlor has been training for the Nathanael Greene Classic with the dedication and determination of a true champion. 10 hour days of practice are not uncommon. Some folks have been questioning Aaron's training methods however; with his decision to solely play Tennis on Nintendo Wii rather than actually ever stepping onto a real court. When asked about what Aaron thinks of those who doubt him, he responded confidently with "Dude...I made it to Level 4 on Expert Mode." Aaron's strengths include agility and quick reaction time. His biggest weakness is that he will most likely try and play with a wooden Wii Controller.

INJURY REPORT

Jay Heidbrink--Dallas, Texas
Heidbrink suffers from acute extensor carpi radialis brevis tendonitis. Heidbrink brought a sigh to every competitors' lips when he suffered this devastating blow at the hands of a Max Bergmann overhead smash. Heidbrink, unable to continue with his right hand was able to muster up the courage to beat Bergmann with 7 consecutive aces with his left hand. Heidbrink, a crowd favorite for his ability to question his opponents and yell at the chair umpire, would of brought a style of play that would of validated an already tough field of tennis players.

Michael Fuchs--Riverdale, NY
Fuchs suffered a mental breakdown after a tough match in Riga, Latvia. Fuchs after being convinced to play a Russian Oil Millionaire in Madagascar Rules Tennis cracked under the pressure of knowing if he lost he would have to chose between his left hand pinkie or his right foot big toe. Fuchs' came from behind to win 4-6, 7-5, 7-5 to keep his pinkie, but double faulted to the pressure. Fuchs is now recuperating in a undisclosed Istanbul Hospital.